Value of Equanimity

The Buddha described a mind filled with equanimity as "abundant, exalted, immeasurable, without hostility and without ill-will."
Wikipedia

2 incidents happened in my life in June. Both were hostile, and took me to the edge of my patience. One at the office and the other at the home front. A review of the 2 incidents made me realize that my classification of home and office was a bad effort to justify the incidents. Looking back, to that specific moment, in each case, I was profoundly helped by a teaching I read sometime back.

" serenely stays with the good and the bad, understanding them both to be kamma – processes rather than personal belongings " Meditation: A Way of Awakening , Ajahn Sucitto

These 2 lines saved me on both days.
I will list down the sequence of events which is identical to both incidents.

1. There was a conversation.
2. The conversation had nothing to do with me, I was a listener. A passive element in the system.
3. Then the atmosphere changed suddenly, to a raging fire of accusations. The calm and sedate conversation was launching in to a boiling cauldron of emotions. Still I was a listener.
4. Then the climax. I became the point of accusation. Still I was a listener. But the situation demanded a response from me. The faces around me turned to me, waiting for my response.
5. Only I knew that I was blamed for something that was not my doing. Yet explaining that would have added more fuel to the fire.
6. My immediate inclination was to react. I almost blurted out something. But then I stepped back and thought. And I stayed still. For a moment I understood this was a process, and I should not take any part of it. 

It demanded a new skill to transcend. Equanimity is the skill that allows us to see things as they are. We usually attach our emotions and biases to situations. I took a deep breath and analyzed the situation.

At office, I needed a collective approach, and I made sure whole team gelled towards the organization's goals and mission. And I took the responsibility to improve the communication between individuals.
At home front, I remained silent until the emotions were over. I did not add any fire, rather I dragged my self away from it. It was very tense. I could almost feel an invisible nudge to put my defenses forward. Keeping silent I was able to generate alternatives to the issue raised. The patience paid off. The fire was over, and everybody felt the effect of it. Then few days later it was easier to communicate on the same thing and reach a mutually benefiting solution.

Looking at things as processes and not attaching any name tags to it, bring forward the real issue. That is clarity. Taking responsibility and may be sharing it, is the maturity.

Your own Mission Statement: Mission (im) possible?

Have you (the individual reading this blog) for a moment thought of what others might be thinking of you? Think about your parents, friends, spouse…and think about your colleagues at office. Can you know exactly what they are thinking of you? Chances are you won’t.

Luckily I was confronted to some bitter comments about my self, from my peers and my family. (Luck comes to me because I open up the discussion and say, “ I am ready to hear the truth”. Then I listen.

It is harsh and so irritating. Sometimes I become blank and keep silent. Ocassionally get agitated.

I thought, “How could they say that to me…after all I have done to them?”

Then the reality hit me …they did say that, and they meant it.

Ok…roll back to the moment just before I received the comments. I had very good feelings about them. But the moment I receive the comment, I became repulsive, protecting my self, defending, and saying things to win the accusation.

This is all true in every person’s life. Critique is the least expected thing in life, and they often come at times when we are in deep trouble.

Normally I take refuge in religion at those times. Yet the scar use to remain in the mind. Then I tried to ignore the comments. I thought it is the right thing to do.

Yet the comments kept on coming, with more venom.

So ignoring is not a sustainable solution.

My teacher gave me a copy of “First things First” in 2006. I read it like breeze. It was like it was written looking at my self.

It had many exercises to be done. I skipped most of them just for the sake of completing the book (the book was so irresistible).

After reading the book I felt I know the reasons for my problems.

3 months down the line, I confronted the same old pattern of problems. I knew..I knew exactly it was my time management – the culprit.

But hey… I thought I solved it 3 months back. I knew exactly what to do.

Reflecting back…I understood, though I have read, I did not apply. I did not do the time consuming exercises. I have taken a short cut.

Then I went back to the book. Carefully extracted the exercises and gave precious time off from the busy life. I remember how I closed the door and shut all distractions before all exercises were complete. It questioned my principles, values and wants. It drilled my mind to the deep end of the heart and mind, to capture the essence of my life – Why I exist in this world?

And at the end of it…I was holding my mission statement!

At first it was really embarrassing to read it. Because it sounded alien.

It was complete opposite of what-I-thought-I-was. But the book said “ it is normal, just believe in the statement you made”.

And my friends…I did.

And I am so happy that single statement guides me to do the best , the right thing, day after day. It enables me to take tough (but RIGHT) decisions all the time.

When I failed, I went back to the statement. Believe me “ it had all the answers”. That statement explained me, who I am, and whom I want to be.

It showed me- success is a small step towards my journey, don’t get excited, keep on doing the good things.

It showed me - failure is temporary, and I can bounce back, because my mission was establishing my character.

My advise: Borrow or buy this precious book. And do exactly as it says.